When the marriage cracks at seems, many couples think of going to a marriage therapist as the last hope to save their relationship. Understandably, this decision comes with new worries about what the counselor might do or say, and how it will turn out for their marriage. 

“Will it make us stop fighting? Can the therapy awaken the lost feelings? What if the counselor says we need to break up? Do marriage counselors ever suggest divorce?” And the list can be continued to infinity.

Unknown is scary, so in this article, we answer the most common questions couples have before marriage counseling. If you’re planning to try marriage therapy anytime soon, this information will help you weigh all the pros and cons of this decision and make up your mind.

Do Marriage Counselors Ever Suggest Divorce?

There are many reasons why couples may want marriage counseling. The relationship is not that smooth as before a child was born. A spouse got a job overseas and they want to get the relationship back on track in the distance. But the most common clients are couples on the verge of divorce. And if this is their last hope to repair things between each other, the thought that the therapist might offer a divorce can be frightening.

Do marriage counselors ever suggest divorce? The answer would be no. At least not explicitly. A therapist will never tell you: “You are hopeless, guys. Divorce is your only chance”. Neither will he/she insist on saving this marriage. The goal of marriage counseling is to let individuals understand who they are, what they want from their partner, marriage, and life in general. A therapist won’t make a decision for you, but you can expect them to lead you to it in one way or another.

What is Marriage Therapy Is Exactly?

As much as any other psychological therapy, marriage counseling is based on open and sincere conversation, where the counselor asks questions and you try to answer them. Simple as it is, the right questions will allow you to see the strong and weak points of your relationship, as well as what you love and value in your partner. Ideally, it should lead you both to a number of important decisions and help you figure out what you really want from your future.

Does marriage counseling really work? Depends on what you expect from it. If you want someone to take away the burden of making a decision and just tell you what to do, then perhaps marriage counseling is not the place. 

But if you come there to decide for yourself whether you can save your marriage – or whether it’s worth saving – then yes, marriage therapy really works. Regardless of the outcome, you will leave the room as a more mature and aware person.

Can Marriage Counseling Help You Save the Marriage?

While the efficiency of marriage counseling is beyond doubt, no one can give you any guarantees that it saves your marriage. Simply, because deep inside someone of you two may want the opposite. So if you want a 100% assurance that you won’t get divorced after marriage therapy, you may be really disappointed. 

As hard as it sounds, but saving the marriage will be the job of both spouses. A counselor will only be able to ask the right questions to help you come to the right decision. It might also happen that you decide to keep your marriage, while your spouse – to divorce. A marriage counselor may help you accept it, overcome the pain and move on. 

So, does marriage counseling save marriages? Yes and no. It only depends on the eagerness of both spouses to cooperate, respect each other, and act towards improving their marriage. However, statistically, over 95% of couples admit that they received the type of help they needed.

Can Marriage Therapy Help During Divorce?

Going to a marriage therapist when you’re one breath from getting divorced may sound like a twist in your sobriety. But in fact, it may be actually helpful.

Highly contested divorces when spouses are eager to rip each other’s throats are not that rare. Such cases are usually extremely long, expensive, and stressful for everyone in the family. It may be especially hard when minor children have to face their parents fighting, plotting, and slandering each other. 

In such circumstances, getting a marriage, i.e divorce counselor is a wise decision. It doesn’t mean that you should start working towards saving your marriage. The end is the end. However, in a calm and cozy environment, you can vent out and realize your hurts, desires, and expectations. 

Ideally, divorce therapists help spouses find a constructive dialogue after there was nothing but resentment and emotional outbursts. It may happen that the parties decide to give their marriage another try. Or perhaps they settle their conflicts and go for an online divorce in NY instead of fighting in the court. 

Regardless of the outcome, the idea of divorce counseling is to lower the emotional level and incite both spouses to a mature dialogue in the best interests of themselves and their kids.

Bottom Line

Do marriage counselors ever suggest divorce? Normally, they don’t suggest anything. They only ask questions inclining you to explore your feelings, desires, and thoughts. Marriage counselors also help couples to establish a respectful dialogue, to listen and hear each other, and cooperate. Marriage counseling can’t guarantee that you will save your marriage or don’t get divorced after the therapy. The decision will depend only on you two. But whatever the outcome is, a therapist will help you understand what you really want from your partner and your marital life and make up the decision accordingly.