In my work as a relationship psychic people very often come to me seeking guidance in finding the love they wish for. Many times they find themselves stuck in unfulfilling, unhealthy relationships. Sometimes insecurities and fear of being alone keep them in compromising and even dangerous relationships. These fears and insecurities can be born from the lack of self-love they have for themselves.

Self love plays a great role in our relationships with others. No matter the kind of relationship, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship, the way you treat yourself will always influence the quality of the relationship you attract. In a romantic relationship loving yourself is most important. If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love and respect you?

A lack of self-love can also make you accept bad behavior in others and end up stuck in a toxic relationship. When you don’t love yourself enough the vibe you give off invites other people to mistreat and disrespect you.  You can develop insecurities and think of yourself as not good enough to receive that unconditional love you are craving, and everyone deserves.

To develop a healthy relationship, you need to set high standards for yourself and not settle for less. As your self-love deepens, it will be a lot easier for you to recognize what you need in a relationship and recognize when people are giving you less than you deserve. The more you love yourself the more you will be able to let go of relationships that don’t serve your highest good. 

On your path to self love, there are a few key aspects that you will have to learn such as:

  • Enjoying your own company
  • Setting the right boundaries
  • Being aware of your true desires in a relationship
  • Accepting yourself as deserving love and respect

Teach yourself to Enjoy Time Alone

Fear of ending up alone often fuels a willingness to settle for a lesser relationship or to stick with a bad relationship well past its expiration date. One of the most important aspects of learning to be happy by yourself is to learn what you enjoy doing when you are alone. You will be enjoying your activity and your own company. 

Many times people feel like not having someone around means there is something wrong with them. Not true, in fact, the healthiest of people enjoy time alone with themselves. Maybe you have never been alone and just don’t have any idea how to enjoy ‘Alone’. This was true for me and at 22 I realized that me and myself needed to find out what exactly we enjoyed doing alone because we were going to be spending a lot of time together ‘Alone’. 

Have you ever chosen to spend time with the wrong person just to avoid being alone?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being alone, sometimes the universe is giving us some time alone so that we can fall in love with ourselves. Holy Spirit is always there with us, trying to help us grow. Everything happens for a reason even if we don’t understand it at the time.

Next time you find yourself being alone, instead of feeling sad or scared, try an activity you enjoy. Think of it as a self care activity to deepen your self-love. If you are just learning to enjoy time alone, you may not be ready for the movies or a solo dinner date, but there are plenty of wonderful activities to enjoy. Here is a list to help you get started.

  • Walking/running
  • Reading
  • Gardening
  • Crafting/painting
  • Journaling
  • Enjoy a hot deep bubble bath
  • Biking/skateboarding 
  • Working out
  • Surfing, swimming, boogie boarding
  • Shopping
  • Take a book to the beach or lakeside 
  • Visit the animal shelter.
  • Feed the birds and bird watching
  • Cook yourself a nice dinner. 

Oftentimes to show others how much we care for them, we cook them a really nice meal. Why not do this just for yourself from time to time? Treat yourself to your favorite food, or try cooking something you’ve never tried before. Blast your favorite music, maybe enjoy a glass of wine, and enjoy the art of creation. Create an ambiance as lovely as any restaurant and tell yourself what a joy you are to be with.

Going on a Solo Date out in Public can be Tremendously Valuable

  • Movies
  • Dinner at a restaurant
  •  Bowling
  •  Live performance
  •  Botanical gardens
  •  Zoo or nature preserve
  •  Skiing
  •  Golfing/driving range
  •  Batting cage

Many people find a greater challenge in going out in public by themselves.

Not having a significant other in your life should not stop you from going out and having a great time. Going out on your own can be challenging at first especially if you are someone who worries about what other people think but it can be a truly liberating

experience. In fact, enjoying activities out by yourself actually depicts self-confidence which others often admire. Best bonus ever…. you will meet new people if you are open to it. People are actually attracted to others who are out solo and you could even meet your next best friend or significant other. It is always easier to approach someone who is alone than to interrupt a group of any size.

Go out and do the things you enjoy the most without having to take anybody else’s preferences into consideration. Going on a solo date can be a great self-care ritual as you can plan a whole day just for yourself and do the things you enjoy the most without having consider anybody else’s preferences.  

Take a walk in a beautiful place in nature or enjoy a relaxing Spa day, do whatever you feel like doing, and enjoy it to the fullest.

  • Meditation

Meditation is one of the best self-care rituals, it can release negative feelings such as anxiety, fear and bring you to the present moment, connecting you to your higher self. Meditation helps deepen self awareness, relaxes and relieves stress. It aids in problem solving, helps you see the beauty in any situation, and deepens your appreciation towards life. 

Maintaining a regular meditation practice will help you enjoy your own company and love yourself much more. When done properly meditation diminishes karma and can remove barriers you have had to true love.

Setting the Right Boundaries

As you start caring for yourself more and more you will also start to notice others want to treat you with more respect and kindness. You may also find yourself weeding out those who do not treat you well. Setting the right boundaries is very important for developing healthy relationships. Realize that you select the people you want to spend your time with. The people you enjoy being with and with whom you feel appreciated, inspired, and happy.

Being aware of your True Desires in a relationship

Knowing what you wish for in a relationship is another key aspect of building healthy relationships. A self-care ritual that can help you get to know yourself and your desires better is to keep a journal. 

Keeping a journal can help you better see what is making you feel good on a regular basis and what you appreciate most in your relationships with others. Start a list with things you appreciate in another person and add to it whenever you see a new quality you appreciate in someone else.

Accepting Yourself

I cannot emphasize enough how important self-acceptance is in building strong, healthy

relationships. If you don’t accept and love yourself as you are, you cannot relax and allow someone else to adore your authentic self including your imperfections. It is easy to let your flaws bring you down and lower your self-esteem, especially if you are prone to having insecurities, which is why it is important to implement a self-care practice that will help you love and accept yourself. 

Of great help with self-acceptance are affirmations. Try to make a daily routine out of saying positive self-acceptance affirmations such as:

  • “I accept myself exactly as I am in the present.”
  • “I unconditionally accept myself”
  • “I am at peace with my current self”
  • “I embrace who I am. I am enough”

Accepting yourself doesn’t mean you stop growing or you stop trying to improve yourself, it just means that in the process, you accept and love yourself as you are.

Being Patient

One last thing I want to emphasize is the importance of being patient with yourself. Even if you start implementing different self-care practices into your daily schedule, it will take some time before you start seeing the results you wish for, so be patient. Don’t get discouraged and do trust that life will provide you as much love as you can accept.

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