One look on Mumbai Mirror ‘MM sexpert column’ column and you will be sure that Indians need some serious sex education. For those who don’t know, it is a Q&A session where you find all those bizarre, funny, and ridiculous sex questions asked by stupid people and a 90-year-old doctor, Dr. Mahinder Watsa, advises them in the most hilarious way ever. Many of the questions seem to be weird and made-up too but it’s still worth reading those sharp and witty responses from the old man. You’ve to read this compilation to believe it.

Q1. Suppose two men ejaculate in a woman’s vagina at the same time and she becomes pregnant. Which of the two could turn out to be the father of the child?

Ans. I suggest you write to the editor and enquire if there is a vacancy in the puzzle department of the newspaper.

Q2. I am a 36-year-old single man. Six months ago I had #sex with a housewife. Then, I made as many as 220 strokes in the 40 minutes of our intercourse. Today, I could only reach 180 in the same time. Please reply. I am worried.

Ans. Do take part in the Common-wealth games since you seem like an athlete. My advice is to enjoy the act and stop counting. Do give a thought to whether you are satisfying your partner or not.

Q3. My friend feels that her breasts are getting larger because of masturbation. Is this possible?

Ans. No. Does she think the clitoris is an air pump?

Q4. I am a 21-year-old man. Last week, I was oscillating my penis while masturbating. I turned it upside down and sat on it. I heard snap but experienced no pain. Have I fractured my penis?

Ans. Why would you want to do bhangra with your penis? Pray you have injured it. Do not sit on it again.

Q5. Two days ago I had unprotected sex with my girlfriend. To prevent pregnancy, we bought an i-pill. But in the heat of the moment, I popped it instead of her. Can it cause any complications for me?

Ans. Next time around, please use a condom and make sure you don’t swallow that too. In any case, you should have rushed to the chemist and got another one as it is effective within 72 hours of the act. The i-pill is meant only for emergency situations and must not be used as a routine family planning measure.

Q6. I’m a 25-year-old woman. After four months of marriage, we decided to have a baby, so we had unprotected sex in the afternoon. Just two hours later, I had group sex with three college friends – without condoms. Now I am confused. If I get pregnant, who is the father of my baby? I don’t want a baby from anyone but my husband.

Ans. Confused? Just four months into marriage you have an extra-marital binge. Make your own guess.

Q7. What if I had sex and then sleep leaving my penis inside my wife’s vagina? 

Ans. What if you just allow your tired penis to have its deserved rest? In any case, the penis will slip out during your blissful sleep.


Q8. If a man and woman masturbate at the same time, thinking about sex can it lead to pregnancy?

Ans. There is no angels to carry your sperms to the person you are dreaming about. Fantasy gives you enjoyment, but does nothing more.

Q9. I am a 22-year-old man, very sexy and unmarried. I have no girlfriend. I have found a way to satisfy my sexual desire. I have been having oral and anal sex with my five-year-old pet bitch since two months. I enjoy it and both of us are healthy. Will this be a problem in the future? Should we continue our sexual relationship or not?

Ans – Why ask me? It would have been better if your bitch could have told you her feelings. In a few years, when you consider marrying a woman, will you compare the pleasure? Bestiality is illegal. So the answer is stop. I think your pet will like that too.

Q10. How will a child born from a mix of semen samples of a black man, white man, an Indian and a Chinese turn out?

Ans. Join a circus to find out.

Q11. I am a 21-year-old virgin. Many times I have tried to give a blowjob to myself but failed. Is there any way that I could succeed at it?

Ans. Join a yoga class and learn how to bend your body to reach the pleasure spot.

Q12. I have a small penis and I can’t seem to satisfy my girlfriend. My astrologer has advised me to pull it every day for 15 minutes while reciting a shloka. I have been doing this for a month but it hasn’t helped. What should I do?

Ans. If he was right, most men would have a penis hitting their knees.

Q13. My friend had oral sex with his girlfriend. He ejaculated on her neck, and the semen rolled down her breasts to her tummy and all the way to her underwear. Can she get pregnant?

Ans – That’s quite a long journey for the sperm to make. No she can’t.

Q14. I have heard that any kind of acidic substance can prevent pregnancy. Can I pour some drops of lemon or orange juice in my girlfriend’s vagina after the intercourse? Will it harm her?

Ans. Are you a bhel puri vendor? Where did you get this weird idea from? There are many other safe and easy methods of birth control. You can consider using a condom.


Q15. I have heard that a lizard’s tail grows back when cut. I was curious if the same holds true for my penis?

Ans. I would not advise you to attempt such an experiment. Your penis is not a tail, and I am quite sure that there will be no volunteers for your research.

Q16. Is it possible for a woman to get pregnant, if she was naked but her partner was clothed, and she took an emergency contraceptive pill four hours later? His pants were wet.

Ans – The sperm is not batman that it can whiz through the barrier of the underwear and pants. I suggest you think of the future next time. Always be prepared with a condom.

Q17. I am an unmarried 38-year-old man. Whenever I get a good erection, I ejaculate to a distance of four meters. Why does this happen?

Ans. The more the excitement, the more the distance. Are you masturbating with a tape measurement or trying for the Limca book of records.

Q18. I have a peculiar doubt. If I smear a male dog’s semen on my penis before having sex with a woman, what kind of baby will be born? Will it be human or a dog-human mix breed? Please carify.

Ans. First, check if the dog will oblige. Secondly, try holding on to the semen on you penis. And even if the baby born is a human, it may go bow-wow.